Our obsession with negativity is the real hidden pandemic of the 21st century

This post won’t be for everyone.  But if you find yourself loathing people or feeling wrought with anger after spending time on Facebook or Twitter, then I hope you'll read this. And let me first admit openly that at one point, this applied to myself as much as ANYONE. That is until I finally woke up.

Ask yourself a question; Do you have the same types of interactions with family, friends and even complete strangers in person the same way as you do online? Arguing, swearing, condescension, accusations, hurling insults, walking away thinking everyone is out to get you, or God forbid “unfriending” them? 

Unless you are truly sociopathic, then that answer is likely NO.

And there is a logical reason for this.  Being online changes our behavior. And this is not an accident. We joined these "communities" out of good intentions.  But there are extremely clever developers out there creating algorithms that can literally "learn" how to influence our actual behavior while online. These behaviors literally have cash value to them. 

These words are critically important to make clear:

It is highly likely that everything you think you know about people online is either false or severely skewed information that is causing you to develop an unjustified feeling of resentment toward them. 

This is driven by false information, cognitive biases and assumptions we make about people we simply do not know as well as we think we do. We cherry-pick obscure news resources that validate our opinions and reject those that say otherwise, all without confirming that either of them are accurate. We identify a microscopic community of extremists on either the far Right or the far Left and then extrapolate that outwardly in our minds to represent the ENTIRE philosophical movement of either Conservatism or Liberalism.

Every issue, no matter how isolated, becomes politicized and people take sides and begin to dig their heels in. There is scarcely little real "constructive" dialogue on social media. Instead it has become an outlet for people to lose their temper, letting fly all of the things you wouldn't dare say in person. 

This needs to stop NOW. If you want to close out 2020 with something positive, here is an ideal place to start.

Social Media was supposed to be safe, casual, fun and yes… SOCIAL.  However unintended consequences are a real thing. And so here we are.

What is happening is we are being duped into believing there REALLY is a serious “us versus them” Battle Royale taking place in our country.  The truth is, there is NOT; at least not yet. But things in life can become self-fulfilling when left unchecked.

Unfortunately our behavior on these platforms is now beginning to overflow into our personal lives and it is manifesting itself in how we treat one another face to face.  You can’t possibly tell me that all of this frustration and resentment you feel on social media makes you emotionally fulfilled as a person. So what do you do to try and quell it? You attack others. “They” are stupid, racist, crazy, ignorant, evil, fascist, trying to ruin our lives or steal our freedoms, etc. We begin telling ourselves stories in our minds about other people with VERY little accurate information by which to go on. The lack of direct interaction with those people allows us to easily trick ourselves into believing those stories to be true.  We begin showboating, creating aggressive posts in cold blood that take personal jabs at other people with the false sense of security that if we avoid using names, nobody gets hurt.  This lack of empathy is a critical error. There will be plenty of people who will believe you ARE in fact referring to them.  Good luck putting out that dumpster fire you just lit. 

Stop trying to "fix" those people on social media. You hardly know "them" and in most cases, they don't need "fixing".

Social media was meant to be an online community. Communities only thrive when the majority of its members actively desire to get along with and to accept one another.  It's when people agree to communicate directly with one another and to find ways to exist cohesively. This little miracle happens when we focus on the 80% of which we share in common while finding ways to accept the other 20% as differences we can work with. And actually, sometimes those differences, when faced head on, can yield incredible solutions to complex problems. It is literally what allowed us to evolve from small tribes of nomadic hunter/gatherers always on high alert against potential invaders, into cooperative civilizations.

But whatever in our lizard brains that drives that, it appears to be null and void when online.

Look, the original intent of Social Media was not inherently bad. It was to gain as many “users” as possible and then monetize that community of users by connecting everyone with advertisers offering products or services that more closely align with each individual user based on exclusive user data.  As a “user”, you have a measurable cash value based on your behavior online and how much time you spend on Social Media.

Now this might sound contradictory coming from a staunch, free-market capitalist like myself but RIGHT HERE is where the quest for profits with ZERO regard for human dignity can begin to do more harm than good.

Developers and advertisers have discovered that keeping you online LONGER and BEHAVING in specific ways can actually increase your cash value to them. As a result, they have creatively engineered ways to make this happen. They do this by getting us pissed off at one another. They literally cause us to pick fights while they simply step back and watch.  (And count the money)

How does this actually work? When people are angry and stressed, it triggers a subconscious urge for a quick dopamine hit which can temporarily alleviate that stress.  So they create the disease, administer the cure, and then the cycle repeats itself.  We are now addicted not entirely unlike like substance users. This ironically causes MORE scrolling through newsfeeds, more “liking” and more “shares” of controversial content. When the "likes" start to roll in, the feeling is so strong, we begin to actually crave the sources of resentment which cause the stress in the first place because it allows for another little "bump".  We literally get hooked and can't put our phones down. The LONGER they keep you online and behaving in this fashion, the more money they stand to make.

And the cost? Well, they may not care but you and I should. Because our ability to function as a civilization is what is at stake. If you look at our current trajectory, something HAS to give or we are in trouble.

The amazing thing is it you can get away from all of the negativity for a few hours and spend some time in the real world, you'll realize that things are actually pretty good out here. Even despite the current circumstances. Most of us are going to be fine. 

And there are NO political leaders in this country that we need to fear are going to quickly advance to dictators, regardless of their ridiculous rhetoric. Remember that in our society, we have a Constitution and laws and we the people, are of the highest level of authority in the land. Neither the current president, nor Joe Biden, regardless of whom wins next month, has the authority to “destroy” our society or to become authoritarians. That only happens if we willingly hand that power to them.

I should point out that I am not making a case to defend one side or the other. The reality is we have more in common that we do not. But as humans, we are wired to focus on the negative. (I’m serious, this is real documented psychology. It’s easy to fixate on the minority of our disagreements rather than the majority of our alikeness.