Don't cry for me, Indiana

For all of my friends and family out there frustrated regarding this new law in Indiana, I have good news. I'm here to tell you to stop worrying about this and that you will be fine - I promise.

Now stop saying "You're wrong, Jeff. You don't understand what this all means."

On the contrary, yes I do.

Please just hear me out...

First of all, this law will affect none of you. Within a matter of a few weeks, we'll forget all about this because the other shoe will never drop. Indiana did NOT pass a bill that makes it legal to hate and discriminate against gay people. There is nothing in that legislation that makes that claim.  Hate and discrimination, unfortunately are alive and well and are perfectly legal because it is physically impossible to police it or enforce otherwise. Companies make discriminatory hiring decisions all the time. Most are just smart enough not to reveal it openly. I may lose out on a job for being too old, too male or too white. The offending company just won't admit to it. And that's just fine because I'll happily go work for an organization that does NOT discriminate. Chances are I will be happier there anyway.

Second, these laws are impossible to enforce because all the offenders have to do is NEVER disclose the reasons they deny someone service. Or worse yet, with this law, they'll now be encouraged to lie about it. Think about that. It is NOT legal to terminate an employee for being of a certain ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, etc. But it IS in fact legal to do so if they underperform. An employer will happily write down "Poor Job Performance" as the reason for termination if that is what keeps the lawsuits out of the mix - regardless of their true motivation. Great. There goes your reputation.

Let me also put it this way. For the sake of transparency and public knowledge, I'd actually rather be made aware of what businesses DO choose to discriminate so that I know which ones I DO NOT want to work for nor do business with.  Wouldn't that be nice? A "Who's Who" list of every jerk in town.  If you want to see a real boycott have an actual affect, try that approach.

Third, stop acting like this is the beginning of a slippery slope down a dark path toward intolerance and hatred. Stop acting like the glass is half empty. Do you not realize how far we have come as a society just in the past decade in how homosexuality has been accepted in society?  People have finally realized, "Wow, these are just people like me and actually, I kinda like them". We are heading in the right direction. This is a very minor speed bump at best. This too shall pass. Moving forward.

Fourth,  I've made this point before and I will make it again;  It is extremely rare for a business of any kind to refuse to serve someone.  Yes, I know it technically does happens but not with any relevant frequency.  And I'd venture to say it happens far less than it used to. Look how Black people in the U.S. were treated in public just in the past generation. These days, restaurants, flower shops, barbers, car mechanics, etc will happily take anyone's money in exchange for their product / service. And rightly so since since so many small businesses aren't exactly running in a major cash surplus. As a business owner, you have the right to refuse service to anyone you want for any reason you want just the same way I can turn down a job because I don't like the commute or the people at the office seem too uptight and boring. Should that be illegal? I'd also venture to say there is an epidemic of hidden age discrimination across the entire country. Has anyone even made a peep regarding that?

Try this scenario on for size; You are Jewish and own a bakery and a NeoNazi wants to order a cake with a Swastika on it. I don't think anyone would have a problem with you declining the gig. Nor would they be if a Black bakery owner were asked to make one for a known member of the KKK. Now ask yourself "What do the KKK, NeoNazis and the LGBT community have in common?"  Nothing except for the fact that in this country, it is 100% legal to be a member of either of those communities.

These laws are not new and hurt nobody. They have been around for a couple of decades, first implemented during the Clinton administration. (i.e. this crosses party lines so stop solely blaming the G.O.P.) Do any of you even realize how many states already have these laws in place? I'm not a proponent. I just personally think it is a waste of legislative effort either way. I would never refuse serve to anyone based on their race, gender, nationality, sexual orientation, etc.  I would however, if they were acting like a jerk for any reason and I just decided not to do business with them.  Or perhaps they were known for not paying his/her bill on time.  Or maybe they put a scathing comment about my business on Tripadvisor.com.  But of course if they happen to fall into a particular social group (which technically, everyone pretty much does in some way or another), then they immediately claim "discrimination", do I know have to take the job by law?  What if I just don't have the time?  Enter the "thought police". God help us.

By the way, if you are gay, why in the hell would you even want to purchase floral arrangements for your wedding from someone that doesn't respect your right to marry? Go somewhere else and let that person struggle in trying to keep his/her business thriving in 2015. With minimal effort, you will find plenty others that WANT to do business with you. Give THEM your business, not the bigot. Why do I even need to say this?? Stop trying to support bigots! Here is someone pointing a gun at you and you want to finance their bullet inventory. Why??

Freedom across the board is a bitter pill you have to swallow. It doesn't just apply to you. It applies to everyone. That includes those not exactly like you. You have to allow this type of freedom. Otherwise you are enabling the "thought police" to begin trolling our minds, prosecuting us for what they think we are thinking.  And again, if someone comes out and says "I'm not serving people of that particular group",  simply ignore that extreme minority of people and we can all watch them wither and fade away.  The best solution is an informed public, NOT government intervention. Laws can't fix this. This is beyond the Government's pay grade.

And I could be wrong on this but I am also calling "bullshit" on Angie's List and their supposed halted Indiana expansion efforts as a result of this legislation.  A company that size will not cancel a major expansion effort which they've probably already invested significant capital into over something like that. They either already planned to cancel it, it wasn't going to happen anyway and/or it is nothing more than a major P.R. stunt.  Hey, I was going to open a billion dollar grocery store chain in Indiana but I guess I'll pull the plug on that too. 

My last point is for God's sake, stop saying "Boycott Indiana". Who's the hateful person here? Do you realize how many thousands of businesses there must be in Indiana that probably want no part of this law that you are looking to see boycotted for no other reason that they reside in that state?  This reminds me of that Barilla Pasta incident from not long ago. People called for the boycott of their products, which, if successful, would have threatened the jobs of 14,000 gainfully employed people that probably don't even necessarily share the same view as the one person in their front office That is a horrible thing to wish on people simply because you are offended by one of them.

Now you have the Governor of New York canceling a trip to Indiana but still keeping his scheduled trip to Cuba, one of the least gay-friendly nations on the block. The band WILCO cancelled their show, disappointing their fans that probably want nothing to do with that law. Meanwhile they are keeping their scheduled shows in states with the same basic legislation. These types of things bring out the "stupid" in people in a hurry.

It try never to do this but I need pull a movie quote on "free speech" from 1995's "The American President"

"You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours." You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then you can stand up and sing about the land of the free."

Think about it. Part of being an American is a 50/50 split between people having to accept you the way you are and you having to reciprocate that sentiment like it or not. If not allowed to go both ways, it breaks down entirely.

What makes this country great is that we have multiple opinions; some good, some not so much. The idea of America many years ago was that each of us can have those opinions, like it or not. Bringing them all to the table and discussing them openly while accepting the remaining differences has always been what makes us strong. But in trying to force legislation to shut the other side down doesn’t just make us weak, it makes us fail as a society. It fails at what this country has spent the last 2 and a half centuries building up.

Now go have a stress free day and stop trying to replace things in your life that you DO have control over with things that you do not.

The Bridge over the River Reality

     I often find myself losing the argument that "pessimism and realism" are not the same thing. Not so much because I am proven wrong, I am just not able to ever convince the opposing party that they are! And just as pessimism can be a realistic scenario sometimes, optimism itself can be the sincerest form of naiveté when you fail to manage your expectations.  

     There was never fine line between optimism and pessimism despite what some may believe. In fact, there is a gaping chasm between the two and there is a long bridge connecting either side.  Either side is the end result, a terminal point where all positive or negative premonitions of the event come into fruition.  Until they happen, you remain on the bridge over the river called "Reality".  Now is the best time possible to plan your strategy to make it to the best side.

     Now I agree it is a healthy practice to do your best to remain as far on the positive side of this bridge as possible but until you make safe landfall on one side, you are still hovering over an irresistible force called "reality". Being positive but not accepting the reality that things might not work out regardless of your greatest efforts is the same as standing around on the bridge and failing to make the last few steps to safety.  Identifying the potential for failure it is NOT at all being negative. In fact, sometimes failure is the greatest way to expose opportunities for success but that is for another blog. 

     Case in my original point; identifying a common and perhaps serious workflow problem at your employer can earn you the scarlet letter N for being negative. Here is another futile attempt to explain my acceptance of reality. "Positive" to me isn't saying "I am going to pass this test". That's called being naive in my opinion and can put you at a point of weakness to where you start to let your guard down and perhaps not properly prepare for the test. I like to say "I could technically fail the test because it is hard but I am going to try my damnedest not to let that happen and focus on my weakest points so that I can best prepare. But if I fail, I'll have a fall back option ready to go". 

     Did you notice my last sentence? Being overly positive to the point of disregarding the possibility you could still fail, not only weakens your resolve, but also leaves you caught without your water wings on in the event the bridge does in fact fall out from under you. What was your contingency plan?  Did you even have one?   Don't feel bad because most people don't.  Society tends to scold those that identify risks as "focusing on the negative".  I focus on negative all the time but that is because I have made my share of mistakes.  I'd rather accept them as a part of my past and store them my mental "lessons learned" archive for future reference.  And while I agree it is a virtue to focus on your list of successes as a means to gain self confidence, one should not simply ignore the problems. If there is an angry animal charging up behind you, run faster!

     So let me ask this; if you swear you'll beat a disease but you don't, does that make you a liar? Of course not.  I don't think that is a fair thing to say to someone faced with such a horrible crisis.  But there is a stigma attached to the notion to where not losing sight of reality is somehow a bad thing. You might not beat it despite yours and the doctors' best efforts.  Talk to your family, prepare them, tie up any financial loose ends so they aren't dealing with that as well as losing you, God forbid, at the same time. That is called realistic optimism.  "I will do my best to beat this, pass that, get there, etc, but I will be prepared in the event that I don't."

     The same problem occurs when someone points out a legitimate failure in a system, but all others tag that person as pessimistic and/or negative. Then they simply proceed to mentally high five one another thinking that their positivity makes them the heroes of the day.  They are masking the problem and not attempting to resolve it.  They are still on the bridge and they have begun rolling backward to the failure side while you are trying to warn them of their impending doom.  You simply want everyone to be aware so they can start either pedaling faster across the bridge or consider other forms of transportation. It is frightening that people so often address their problems by assuming happy words will have a 100% success rate. Concerted efforts with a realistic outlook are far greater allies. Being positive regarding the effort you will excerpt despite external factors which you cannot control will sure up your best chances for success. Disregarding those external factors will amplify your chances for failure.

     When you bring awareness to a problem your company has turned a blind eye to while it festers away and they slap you down as having a bad attitude, that is the equivalent of having the technician at Jiffy Lube mention to you that you have a small oil leak in your engine block that you should look into but you write him off as being "too negative". I will say this however; don't just present a problem. Counter it with a potential solution. Even the slightest suggestion ends the comment on a positive note that might just do the trick. 

     You have a degree of control over any scenario, but not total control. The more you identify the risks and accept everything as possible and properly prepare, the greater a chance you have to safely make it to land on the bright side of the bridge.